♥Every saint has a past;every sinner has a future.

she walks in beauty,
like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies;
and all that's best of dark and bright
meet in her aspect and her eyes.
hopping by.

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Hi=)

Welcome to my humble blog.
hits since Dec'06.

♥ Aziqa.

16 going on 17 as of Apr6'08
no words can actually describe the personality i have.
i love to laugh, love to listen to music & i love spending my time with my ♥ ones.
i have hee-yuge dreams, and i'm currently working my way to achieving them.
i love to do random acts of kindness, something about making people's day for no simple reason=).
from me, expect the unexpected.
reach me @ a/z/i/q/a/./z/@/h/o/t/m/a/i/l/./c/o/m/.

[ Tuesday, April 17, 2007 ]

6:31 PM

the beginning of working till the end.

Now that I've decided,
with mid-years coming in 2 weeks time,
I will no longer be caught up with anything else till my Os are over.
(That doesn't count my sister's wedding,my birthday makeover & FS makeover=))

So yeah,I am ending it all.
I thought of waiting for Taufik's showcase:P,but its kinda late.
So we'll just see how.
(I want to see my freaking face singing and acting lah!)

I hope I'm not scaring my classmates.

I just have to start somewhere,you know.
I have so many to cover in just 6 months.
And I'm just starting.

That's what worrying me.
But the thing is,its worrying my friends more.My bestfriends,to be exact.

Let's start from the beginning shall we?

Last Saturday I was forced to go to a seminar with my parents and brother(he's sitting for PSLE this year).Mom sms-ed me to bring a notepad and pen(which we didn't use) and most important of all,my big fat smile.

At first I hated it,hello,I was forced.And it was last minute. But I enjoyed it(as i won a challenge) and even signed up for the workshops for 20 weeks.

The workshop consists of many things,like oral confidence,techniques to study and many more. So most definitely,the cost is high.And I thank my parents for forking out that huge amount of money for me(& my brother). They could have spend the money on themselves you know.

You see,the pressure I have on me right now?

I CANNOT afford to even think of entering ITE(not that I think its bad,higher NITEC certs can get you a job worldwide,FYI).I am not only thinking about myself,but my parents and their high hopes of seeing their children in University.And its what drives me, to see my parents cry when they see my results.I want to leave the school hall with my results in my hands with absolutely no regrets.

I made the decision to stay at home on certain days,I made the decision to join the workshop.I made the decision to studystudystudy.

ME ME ME.

So if anything were to happen,I can only blame myself.

For the very first time,I confided in my Mom and even cried infront of her.And she was surprised.I told my sister I can't see myself anywhere else except for what I have planned for.And it drives me nuts thinking what if I cannot make it.

My sisters tell me I will be fine.They see me sitting at my study table almost every night.
My parents tell me I can do it.They have that enough confidence in me.
My bestfriends tell me I can make it for sure.They themselves are frightened listening to my woes.
My friends wish me all the best.They pray that we will succeed.

I'm thankful for the support I get from them.But only God knows best.

He knows how badly I want this.

Gosh,now I sound stupid.

FYI,my bestfriends told me that they're afraid that I might go crazy during the paper.That I would suddenly laugh my way till IMH.Touchwood!Although,it once nearly happened.

I'll put in 100%.I'll sacrifice just about anything.But at the end of the day,its up to Him.

Like for PSLE,my parents sent me to camps too,but I didn't do well.Maybe because I was fooling around.

I just hope history won't repeat itself.

Seeing my parents' disappointed faces can just kill me.